Last month's issue of Psychology Today had an article about pastors who are becoming atheistic. In other words, there are more pastors out there who don't really believe in God anymore. Very interesting read which you can find here.
Yes, my own faith and theology waivers at times, even when I am teaching. But erasing God from the equation seems impossible to me. I can't imagine it. My issues of reconciling belief are just that... my issues. They have nothing to do with God.
Rabbi and Author Shmuley Boteach explains how most people don't live from their deepest self, what he calls the "innermost self". Some call it the soul or the spirit. It's all the same thing. It is that place in the human that holds your eternal character and desire for the ineffable. If becoming a Christian or a pastor was driven by the expecations of others, it doesn't get down to the deepest self, it will not take root in the soul. If becoming a pastor or Christian was the bi-product of a journey you were pressured into... it might not last.
Ahhh, but if you got rocked by the presence and power of God, if the innermost self was permeated with His redeeming blood, if you have no choice but to follow Christ becuase He is all you have... be happy. There is nothing to fear.
I respected the pastors mentioned in the article for being honest. Some have even stepped out of ministry and become outstpoken atheists. In their mind, they have stopped lying to themselves and to others. That is very good. Because my innermost self and my own experience is continually washed with God's mysterious work in my life - I can't agree with them. But I don't ever criticize anyone who is honest with themselves and others... even if they have become an atheist pastor.